do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
