Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
