physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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