apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
