no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
