I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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