i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
