I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
