I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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