Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
