i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
