so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
