That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
