I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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