your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
