i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
