she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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