yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
