You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
