You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
