You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
