the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
