well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
