We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
