Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
