remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
