11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
