I smell stomach acid.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
