Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
