well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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