you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
