They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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