Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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