He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
