It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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