Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
