So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
