I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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