Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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