just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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