There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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