WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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