I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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