there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
