he told me I talked like a deaf person
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
