Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
