there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
