You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
