I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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