I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
