Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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