i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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