The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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