I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
