Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
