i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
