3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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