8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
