If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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