You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
