is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
