why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
