she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
