We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
