remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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