idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
